Losing the Little One

Tonight at 11pm my youngest son is leaving New Zealand.

He’s 26. He’s off with his girlfriend backpacking in Vietnam for a month. Then they’ve got a couple of months housesitting in Melbourne. In the interestingly named suburb of Heidelberg and then a month at St Kilda

He’s got 2 months to find a job, find a flat and find new friends. Game on.

The departure has become increasingly emotional for everyone in the family.

Last Saturday we had a party. Ben’s friends. His brother’s friends. Family from both sides. And local mates who popped in for a chin-wah. Including a retired MP I randomly invited. Generations from 20 to 70 all joining in the excitement of forthcoming adventure.

We’ve all been running around giving a hand for weeks now. Yesterday I drove a 50 cc motorcycle from the CBD to Devonport to store. You can’t cross the bridge. You’ve got to go right round the entire harbour. It was a 3 hour ride in the rain. For my boy. And it was fun.

Last night the whole family gathered to eat a cooked duck for the first time. An apple pie had been prepared. The we snuggled up on a couch and watched the finale of The Last Of Us. It was the last of us for us too. At least for a little while.

Ben has found that packing up a life into 2 suitcases is hard yakka. Selling a car in a bad economic environment. Relocating furniture and chattels. Dumping precious possessions into his parents care. Cleaning the flat.

And all with a very LOOMING deadline of 11 tonight.

He’s been a moody mess

And so has his parents.

He’s done this to us before. Leaving home at 17 to study in another a city. A city he didn’t return from for 7 years. So we got used to his absence

But this time is worse. The last 2 years have been great. Sharing a city with a grown and independent man who used to be our child.

He loves cooking. He shares that with his Mother. He’s been wonderful at coming round on a Sunday afternoon and cooking up a storm with his Mum. Then the whole family sits down and shares the ups and downs of our week

He’s the one who finishes every phone call with a sotto voce “love you”. I ration mine out and then instantly feel like a grinch.

He phones us. All the time.

We going to miss the little scamp so much. You can see the impending loss flashing through our eyes when the thought of losing him crosses our minds.

But it’s time to let him go. He’d clocked his old job. There was nothing left to learn other than growing resentment if he stayed and settled for a life less ordinary.

It’s a scenario that’s playing out in families across the entire country all the time.

There’s been a politicisation of this diaspora. People who bitterly grumble that the kids are leaving because this country is failing.

That’s the motivation for some but for most it’s just the desire for more than what some islands at the end of the world with just 5 and a half million people can offer.

That’s Ben’s motivation. He’s had a fabulous couple of years, living a New Zealand life. But he wants to conquer the world and in his field that means taking the battle overseas

We did it and now it’s his turn. The timing is perfect. We’re right behind him. He goes with our love

Tonight will be teary. That’s why I’m writing this now.

But the sadness will fade.

He’ll walk down the air bridge with a pouty face and then feel the world opening up before him as he passes through the doors of the plane. The excitement will flood back and he’s away.

It’s the same for his parents. Unencumbered. Pleased we made good men. Ready to attack our new future. With a smidge more time on our hands.

Just watch us all.